I would like to say a few words on disappointment. I have been hearing of one situation after another of disappointment lately so it's been on my heart this morning. And I'll be honest... I hate that word. There's nothing quite like that crushing moment when your heart drops, your face heats up and turns pink, and that little idea cements itself into your innermost being...
"That wasn't right! It should've been like this..."
I've had as many disappointments as the next girl but one forever stays in my mind as the "big one". The closest I've ever come to heartbreak. It involved a lead role in a play... I know- not very original! But this play was Jane Austin's, Pride and Prejudice. My favorite book by my favorite fiction author. And this part was Elizabeth Bennet, my all time favorite heroine! I literally had most of the part memorized before I even looked at the script. THAT'S how much I loved the story. I was thrilled to find out that our home school group was putting it on. People I knew were already asking me if I was going to play the lead and I was trying not to count it a sure thing in my heart... no, I really wasn't that vain. But I knew I had a pretty good chance.
Come auditions. (Man, I hate auditions!) Here's the thing, it wasn't that I read well, and it wasn't that I did terrible... They never let me read the part. I kept watching my girlfriends give it a go, not even doing an English accent, for goodness sakes! (yes, I was being the immature and cocky critic...) Waiting impatiently to hear my name and finally I heard, "That's all! We will send out the cast list in a couple of weeks."
And then all my friends were surrounding me, chatting animatedly about which parts they had read. I could barely hold myself together till we got out to the van. I sobbed violently the whole ride home (and I was driving too... definitely a rode hazard!).
Well, I didn't get the part. Go figure. But I think not even being allowed to read it at the audition was more crushing. It was so hard not to be bitter, to think, "If they'd only seen ME do the part!"
I remember talking to the girl who did get the part and she said, "I will have to find that book and read it..." I couldn't believe it. SHE HADN'T EVEN READ ELIZABETH BENNET'S BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER.
I loaned her my copy. Or should I say, one of my copies.
I can say now that she did a wonderful job. And my own brother played her lover so I guess it wouldn't have worked out for me to get that part anyway (awkward!).
This was years ago... I had long since given up the thought of playing a lead role in a drama. And here's the thing, here's what finally settled it in my heart, what put my mind at peace:
Father saw me that night. He counted every tear. HE DIDN'T FORGET.
The Lord gives us ample opportunities to deal with disappointments. He is looking at our hearts. Will we have the right attitudes? Will we congratulate the one who beat us; who got the lead role; who got the promotion, the record deal, the coveted spot on the sports team, the boy...? Will we surrender our bitterness and embrace a smaller part with all of our heart?
Even if it was unjust. Even if we WOULD have done better. Even if we never got the chance to prove ourselves.
I PROMISE you, if you do this, He'll reward you. BIG TIME. And I'm not just talking some crown on your head in a far off, blurry, place in the clouds. I'm talking right here on earth.
See there's this time after Jesus comes back to receive His bride, the church, that the book of Revelation calls the Millennium, or the Thousand Year Reign. It's when Jesus sets up a kingdom on this earth and restores it to a Garden of Eden like environment (and we get to help). There will be business, education, arts, music, THEATRE, sports, religion (perfect religion :), all those things that make up society and we, His church, get to be on the forefront! You could get that lead role in a perfect play, that best spot-on the perfect team!
I believe your greatest disappointment now could and will lead to your greatest promotion in the age to come.
Didn't get that job of a lifetime? How about your dream job for eternity? Yeah girl! I want THAT.
So here's the thing, sometimes we do get a lead role later on... finally. Or that promotion. Or the best place on the soccer team. Or the record deal. Or the boy... But that isn't really the most important thing here.
Disappointment is a test. Thankfully, if we don't pass the first time, we get another test. And the Lord is keeping score (here's the good part: as long as we repent, He only remembers the tests that we pass!). He will reward a humble heart. He gave you that one desire. He WILL fulfill it.
So... this was a long one, ha ha! I would love to hear from you, about how you overcame a disappointment or how I can pray for one you're struggling with now. Just drop me a line.
Jer. 29:11. He's got plans for you, girls. BIG PLANS.
Love you!
LM
